Friday, May 21, 2010

Is Coming Back [Full Force]

I am ready to come back into the blogging world full force. Yes, I have a lot going on, yes there may be some whiney posts, but I’m fine with that! I can deal with myself, and some drama, and still be overall happy! I am very in love with William, parts of me questioned how I felt about him until he went to jail. I am not someone who depends on other people, I’ve written a post about it before..I hate the feeling of depending on people. Somehow I have tricked myself into thinking I didn’t NEED him, but he was nice to have around. Now, unless you’re married, and in love with your partner, this may seem ridiculous to him, but I did need him. I should take a picture of my room for you, because in the stress, and depression of him not being around, I have became disgusting. My room looked a tornado went through it, I have not eaten correctly in almost 2 weeks, and my sleep habits are horrid. I’ve been eating either about 200 calories a day or 3,000 calories a day, so either way not healthy, and my sleep is 4 hours or 12 hours, also not healthy. I haven’t cleaned my room, hanging out with friends was painful, and all I could do was work and come home.


But guess what? I’m ready for that to end! I plan on waiting for William. Unless he gives me a reason not too, I will wait. I love him, I really do, and being with someone else would be more painful then waiting an eternity for him. There are still no decisions of how long he will get in jail, but honestly it doesn’t matter. I went to see him yesterday, and he had gotten my letters. He looked at me, almost crying, and asked me to eat and sleep. I promised him I would. I poor my heart out in my letters, so if I’m depressed, he will know, but I have no plans of him seeing depression in the next few months, because letters and phone calls will keep me going, and I will have a life outside of depression. I posted a to do list a few minutes ago, and I plan on getting it all done. Then I plan on beginning to eat right, and maybe some exercise. Now, I still live with the parents, so the types of food I eat are nonnegotiable at times, but the amount i eat is always my choice! Always. Now, I have to leave for work in about an hour, so time to get ready, but comments are appreciated, and when I get home I plan on starting on my to-do list.

Oh, and on another note, i bought this cute self improvement book, I will blog about that later too!


P.S. A note of thanks. These people are the ones who kept me from completely going under when he was arrested. You were there for me regardless, and any time I was crying I knew  I could FB or tweet you. Karen, Katie, Jewlia, and Crystal <3.


  1. We all love you, darlin!!! I'm so proud of you for taking the steps to have a life outside of depression. I know it's not going to be easy but I hope YOU know that you've got an awful lot of us out here in your corner who will continue to help pick you up & dust you off when needed! We're a family, after all. You just happen to be the baby sister we all look out for :)

  2. Yeah! Karen is SO right.

    I've missed you and all your FB group joining and random tweeting. Even though William is away, he is not gone forever. I am SO glad you are taking care of yourself now too because you know he loves you and wouldn't want you to be unhealthy. Everything will work out in time. I PROMISE. In the meantime you have many shoulders to cry, whine, and laugh with/on. We love you!


  3. I 3rd that motion! Karen gets to be the mom! ROFLMAO!

    I was glad to read your post and hear that you are trying to get back in the swing of things. Even though Dave and I are not married, I feel the same as you do. He went to jail for drunk driving and he also was in a program for 6 months at Salvation Army so I know what it's like to wait for your man. It was fucking hard Caitlin but we were both better and stronger people because of it.

    We love you little sis! You hang in there and now go clean your room young lady! Bwhhaaaaaaa!!!

  4. I'm proud of you for renewing your plan to take care of yourself. <3 I know it sounds corny, but one of the best things you can do while you wait for William is to take care of yourself - just guessing, but I'm pretty damned sure he would be rather upset if he knew you weren't looking after YOU (if that makes sense outside of my head).

    Lean on everyone for whatever you need for as long as you need: that's what we're here for! :)

  5. Ok, so I've been kinda MIA as well, so I'm not sure what happened to William...but I'm here for you, and I'm back as well :)

  6. Y-E-A-H! I am so happy for you pulling yourself up from your bootstraps and taking charge! He should have an original charge that he was given the P for instead. Most of time from what I have been told is the original sentence is served now. Glad that you are going to work on you in the mean time though! Now provided Karen keeps up her 100+ miles each week then we have kick ass motivation! LOL

  7. You've got a present on my blog ...
    And you had BETTER not still be awake to pick it up right now ;)