Saturday, January 2, 2010

Uncertainty and Dependency

These are two feelings I hate more than anything in the world, and I'm feeling them both lately, but I refuse to let it get me down.

We may be moving in with my mom, I won't know until Monday, the uncertainty of what's going on is killing me. Normally when I have this amount of uncertainty I depend on myself, and myself only, but lately when I get depressed because of it I find myself wanting to be closer to William, in any way possible, so that's where dependency comes in. Am I ready to let him take some of the responsibility, ready to depend on him more? I hate depending on anybody but myself, and sharing the dependency is something I never saw myself doing. I depend on him to sleep, to help me in many ways, and I hate it. Guess it's time to get used to it, eh?

Now I will be posting again in probably 20 minutes, or however long it takes me to finish some organization, take some pics, and such, but first leaving you off with some good news.

Last time I was at home I went to the doctor. The scales here read similar to the doctors.

Doctor a little over two weeks ago : 216

Weight today :  202

I'm shocked, that's with not trying at all, no exercise, now I can't be positive that's 100% right, so will weigh in at doctors again when I get home, but I have definitely lost a bit. So 202 is my official starting weight, and will probably be able to weigh in at doctor mid week.

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